her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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