420 ftw
Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
