I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
