the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
