ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
