I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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