I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
