you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
