Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
