I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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