And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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