there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
