i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
