Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
