I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
