I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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