Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
When are your genitals available?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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