it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
