didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
