6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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