Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
This baby is an asshole
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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