I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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