Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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