you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
