Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize