There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
