It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
