i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
This can only be settled by a dance off.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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