my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
