my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Houston, we have a blender
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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