I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
