his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
