Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
