So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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