i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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