shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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