dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
