I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
people are starting to question the shark bite story
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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