You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
