the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i drank out of a bidet.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
