I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
