I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
