i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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