I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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