just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
