I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
