I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
