Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
