He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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