So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
