I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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