do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
