Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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