Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
