i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
