dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
