Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
