Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
