I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
