i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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