Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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