Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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