He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
